...from a trusted source who knows ALL about what has been going on with me for the past 25 years of my life and who is very familiar with my current situation (who will also remain nameless). I emailed her for some advice a few days ago and here was her response to me today:
"Oh, my, I have a feeling Heather is going to regret having lost you. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but she will regret it sooner or later when she snaps out of it and realizes what has happened here. I assure you of that. You know that when someone looses a parent, child, partner or sibling at such an young age, that it affects you...never positively; only negatively. Most people do drastic and crazy things that don't make sense (only makes sense to them). At least take comfort in that aspect, that you know where these behaviors are coming from. And that's what has happened here. I see this kind of stuff all the time. Like I said, Heather will realize what she's lost. But it may be a year from now - who knows.
But you can certainly say that you gave her the opportunity to figure things out from the very beginning, because it was clear that she needed you (even way before her father passed) and you were certainly there for her - in every possible way. You can also say that you tried your best. Now, I certainly didn't live with you guys, but I'd just about bet anything that you were the epitome of what a good partner should be. You gave a lot. (Remember, that we very often give what we ourselves most need. So, just know that you need a lot yourself. And, be ready to receive it too.)
I hope you just take some time to recover from all you have experienced. This has been horribly sad, exhausting, shocking, & such a letdown. Yet, better to find out NOW, rather than 3 years from now--when you own a house or have a baby. This way you can move on & not have those kinds of responsibilities to manage on your own.
You have staying power, Tera, & you are such a good catch. There's someone out there looking for someone just like you. However, for now, take the time to breath & love yourself. Shall I venture to say: there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to help someone (which is what you've done in your 2 most recent relationships) however, given your history here; I think it's time you look for one that has already grown up and matured and is not so needy. No more baby-sitting, Tera. You deserve someone who is just as mature and "adult-like" as you and with similar needs.
Most of us attract people with the same state of mind. The more stable you can get (mentally and emotionally), the more likely you are to attract someone with that same state of mind.
You mentioned in your email that you "should have noticed all the red flags". Write down all those red flags you can think of...then on another sheet make a list of all the positive qualities you are looking for in someone else. Put the red flag list away (to refer to later) & read the positive list now & then and then...just forget about meeting someone for a while. Everything will fall perfectly into place. Like you have always said, "Everything happens for a reason". :)
P.S. and no...you are absolutely NOT crazy about all the "soul talk crap" as you so eloquently put it. They are indeed living in some "dreamworld, life in the movies, fairyland place"; and they indeed need to come back down to reality. I agree with you about all of that. And I will go into detail on my thoughts in another email...another day. ;-) Goodbye for now."
...Thank God for people in my life that are wiser than me and that have that gift for good advice. God knew I needed to hear this today. I will sleep sounder tonight. Goodnight everyone.
